Went into Leeds, for the monthly night that they call Leeds First Friday. I've been feeling kind of lonely lately, and had a vague idea that I might hook up with someone. That didn't happen.
I was already miserable by the time I got into town, getting lost in the one-way system several times. I trudged around town, getting funny looks from people, looking for other trans people. It was the gay quarter of town, and nobody makes you feel like you don't pass as well as cis gay men. It's that look of mocking greeting they give you.
Finally I tracked down where they were hanging out, but they were mostly cross-dressing transvestites, out to break some taboos wearing a dress for a single night, dressed up like a fetish Bet Lynch. I felt simultaneously too old for the cis element in the crowd and too young, and too female to blend in with the trans element. I don't begrudge them wanting to dress up, but it's never been a thing I liked, I can't even bear to do fancy dress. I just felt massively uncomfortable and out of place, and after following the first dribblings of the group from bar to club to club I gave up on it as a bad job.
I'm too old for nightclubs by myself. I've met people that were of a like mind on such nights and going around with them was at least alleviating the tedium of the environment, but to be honest it was their company rather than the night I enjoyed. And those nights are hopeless for meeting men; the ones that might be attracted to me won't go there, because they know from experience the only trans women that go are old. Like way old. I know I'm approaching middle age (I'm still in denial about being in it) but next to these people, I look like Kim Petras.
So, my foot hurting anyway, I went home before the car park costs ticked into their third hour. I'm not doing that again. My nightclub days are over. If ever I talk about doing it again, point me back at this post, please.
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