In truth, I have been very tired recently. I think getting slowly well again has taken its toll on me. The massive boredom of stopping at home doing nothing but heal is then punctuated by making yourself go out and do things with friends when really you are still too weak to do so, Yesterday I went out for my customary Sunday lunch again, which I've missed out on for the last couple of weeks. Then I got invited for drinks with friends in the evening, who walked me around town as they felt like visiting a jazz night. I didn't like to complain, but as I have no obvious external injuries anymore (apart from a big dressing on my ear) people tend to forget I'm still not a hundred percent. I'm not even sixty percent.
Still, it was nice to get out and socialise like a normal person again.
Today I got a call from my boss, who's been off work sick herself for a while and thus not had a chance to speak to me about the accident, to see how I was. And, more to the point, to check there was nothing I needed for my return to work tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
No, no, no, that's not right. See, I start at 9am Mondays and Tuesdays from 9am, so I specifically got a sicknote to cover me until Wednesday. That's not just being lazy; at the moment the injuries to my head and neck are giving me migraine headaches, which make me feel sick, dizzy and in pain. I can take painkillers to control it through the day, and usually now by mid afternoon, aside from a little shoulder pain which seems to cut through whatever I throw at it, I feel just fine. Bu7t when I wake up, the painkillers have worn off completely over the course of the night, so I wake up to naked painSo Wednesday, when I start at four, is a workable prospect. But nine?
This morning, I woke at nine, and for the first time in weeks I didn't have a migraine. It had rebuilt itself into a dull throb again by lunchtime, so I wasn't free of it, but waking without it was tremendously liberating. Waking like that one day does not constitute being fixed, though. It may be a one-off.
So when my boss said that my sicknote was till tomorrow, not Wednesday, Something inside me snapped. All that stress that had built up just flooded out of me and I burst into tears. The thought of having to commit to getting up at that time, no matter how I felt, was just too much. I told my boss, i couldn't I just couldn't. Hearing my distress, she went away and said she would see to accepting it for one more day, and hung up.
But I couldn't stop crying. I lay on the floor in my living room crying and crying like I'd just lost a child. The cat came up and meowed at me, curious what was wrong. I was still crying some ten minutes later when my boss called back and confirmed Wednesday would be fine, and I shouldn't worry about it. I was still crying about it maybe half an hour after that.
I am sooo not well again yet.
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